Dr. visit

Hey gals and dudes if you are reading also.. :) so today was the first time I saw the dr again since leaving the hospital... I mentally prepared myself or so I thought and much prayer like always.. the wait in the room was agonizing enough but I managed to keep my mind occupied as I looked out the window at construction right there by clinic @ hospital... Scary big machines and cranes with guys on harnesses hanging literally from the side of their work place. I waited and waited and prayed and prayed... Finally dr walks in and he is just so nice that I am so blessed to have him as my doctor in this trying time. His name is very appropriate as well, Dr. Heaven. :) Hes very personable and talkative. Very informative, however with this condition there is really no explanation as to why it happens, what triggers it or when it will go away.. Thats a lil unsettling to my heart and soul, but I must stay strong and know that God is in control. Really KNOW He is and not have any doubt... a prayer with doubt is not a valid prayer! I had blood work done there and my platelet count has gone down, but perhaps because of the meds also going down on dosage. 6 more days of meds and then nothing to see how I maintain the count on my own. I asked about something that is very dear to me, whether or not a pregnancy would trigger this ITP even more. He said theres really no way of knowing, but because this is my 2nd episode and this time without a fetus, I would more than likely be at high risk of going through this again. That part really saddens me deeply. For years we have wanted another baby, but the fear of me going through this again and how dangerous the situation could become has prevented or halted us from doing so. Many times though I have let God know that Im at peace if its His will for us just to be blessed with Leslie, our miracle indeed. But in the back of my heart, theres always that lil want for another baby... Oh well, I need to overcome that and take care of my health exactly for Leslie above all, she needs me and I cant be selfish and "want" what isnt possible and then God forbid leave her alone to fend for herself. I will pray even more for the strength I need to let go of things like those. The wants and needs on my part do not count, the want or need He decides to grant me is what DOES count. I have wonderful friends who are so supportive of me no matter what and that is definately a plus especially at times like these. I need them so much to prop me back up when I begin to slide down... Thank you girls! :) That is a blessing in itself! Next appt isnt until Feb. 15th, so we'll see. Smiles and positiveness until then! oh btw, off to the treadmill due to the 5 lbs Ive gained.. not bueno! and its all in my cheeks!!! Darn steroids! lol! much love, ciao! Yess :)